7 Hopeful Steps When Your Loved One is in a Nursing Home During COVID-19
You just received an email that there is a COVID-19 case at your loved one’s nursing facility. You know it’s not your loved one, but you wonder if they’re next.
Time to make decisions. Should I pull my loved one out of there and bring him or her home? Should I call the facility, and ask them to change the care plan? Am I even allowed to visit? I feel so helpless. I HATE THIS!!!!
There is hope.
If this sounds like you, then know that you are not alone. There are things that you can do to prepare for this possible reality of your loved one contracting the virus. You can take action to feel more comfortable and have a game plan if the worst happens to your older loved one or the virus infiltrates their healthcare facility.
Step one:
Get on the list!
You may assume that you are going to be kept up to date about happenings inside of the facility, but that is not always the case. You need to call and ask the executive director if you can be added to the COVID updates list. And you need to make sure that staff receives your loved one’s permission or the power of attorney’s permission for you to get this information.
There is information being shared that could help you feel better. Many facilities are sending emails, voicemails, or even video updates about what precautions they are taking, any new cases, and how they are keeping their residents safe and protected. Make sure you get those updates!
Step Two:
Stop putting off any hard conversations and get really clear about your loved one’s end-of-life wishes!
You can contact the social worker or social services director. If you cannot reach the social worker, request this of the nurse assigned to your loved one that day. Nursing facilities are required to have these wishes on file. These wishes are written on an end-of-life directive form such as the MOST form in Colorado or a Do Not Resuscitate document or other forms.
You need to know this information for yourself, and you may need to remind the support staff and medical team at the facility to honor their wishes.
If your loved one is able to answer questions about their wishes, ask the social worker to review their wishes with them and see if they want to have a different order for their wishes if they did contract the COVID-19 virus.
The conversations may be uncomfortable to have, but in the long run, you and your loved ones will be more at peace because you had them.
Step Three:
Connect with your loved one’s physician, as well as the nursing home staff.
You may have some questions for the nursing home staff, but they can’t answer everything.
You will have some questions for the physician and now is the time to get them answered, before circumstances are critical or things are rushed. If you don’t have the physician’s number, call the nursing facility, speak with your loved one’s nurse, and ask for the physician’s number.
Step Four:
Pre-prepare a list of the important questions so you don’t miss anything.
There may be things you are worried about, but there may be other things that you need to know also. Be thorough. Start by asking questions like:
· What pre-existing conditions do they have that would affect their prognosis or likelihood of getting COVID?
· Is there anything that can be done to help their immunity or reduce their risk factors?
· What symptoms would mean that they need to go to the hospital?
· How often would the physician be checking on them?
· How can you stay updated on their medical treatment and care?
· Is the physician aware of their end of life wishes? Does anyone else need to be notified as well?
· What precautions they are taking on a daily basis to keep your loved one safe, if you don’t already know?
· What are the best online sources for information about COVID?
· Do they want you to provide masks for your loved one?
Step Five:
Support the staff in some way.
Staff in nursing homes and assisted living centers are pushed very hard right now with the daily challenges, changing protocols, increased anxiety, and lack of outside support in terms of families, visitors, and even musical entertainers for their residents.
Put together a care package for the caregiving or nursing or other staff -such as Working Hands lotion, chocolate, Target or Starbucks gift cards, etc., - and leave it with the front desk staff person. Or order pizzas to be delivered one evening or one lunch time.
Attach a personal thank you note to each gift. Say “Thank you for your hard work and for caring for my dad Joe. It means a lot!” and sign the note.
The staff will appreciate this more than you can imagine. They too need encouragement and support right now to be the best caregivers that they can for your loved one. As an added bonus, your loved one might even get extra special care because their caregivers know that you go the extra mile for their nursing facility team.
Step Six:
Don’t transfer your anxiety to your loved one when you reach out to them.
Your loved one has enough to worry about, and even if he/she has progressed dementia, he/she can feel the anxiety and changes in the senior living facility. Many residents have increased depression by this time.
Ask their nurse if you can briefly Facetime with them so that you have the ability to see & understand each other. Keep it short to 5-8 minutes. Avoid mealtimes when staff is generally busier.
Send them colorful and bright cards. Mail them funny or caring gifts that are easy to open – old photos, puzzles, books, magazines.
Supporting and connecting with your loved one more often right now goes a long way in helping them be less depressed, calmer, and feel cherished and loved.
Step Seven:
Give your loved one “The Gift of Being Needed.”
We all need to feel useful, needed, important, and valued, especially when there are so many things outside of our control. While reaching out to them is a nice way of connecting, don’t forget to ask for their advice on something.
It is a pretty helpless feeling to be cooped up in a nursing facility and not be able to see family or even get out for a drive.
Ask them for their 2 cents or advice on something. For example, ask them how they handled parenting an emotional teenager or managed a setback in their business.
Fortunately, you are not completely helpless. There are actions that you can take to be prepared for the worst if your older adult relative were to contract the virus or if COVID-19 cases entered into their nursing facility.
You can be both supportive of your loved one and supportive of their medical and support staff.
Educating yourself about your loved one’s end of life wishes, staying informed by the nursing facility, and talking with their physician or medical provider about the What If Questions can give you back some power and control in a difficult situation and trying time in health care facilities.
You can do this. You can support your loved one.
Now, go ahead and make that phone call to the social worker and get started!
Jenny Reynolds, MSW, LCSW, CMC is an Aging Life Care Specialist. Her passion and goal in her social work career is to honor older adults as they age and support & guide them on the challenging walk through later life. Her specialty area is working with clients with dementia and their families. She is owner of her own geriatric care management business called Graceful Guidance Care Management. She has 15-years experience working with older adults, physicians, provider agencies, and families in the care management field. Jenny brings a positive and upbeat approach to her work and the clients that she serves.
How to Contact me:
Email: GracefulGuidanceCM@gmail.com
OR
Phone: 303-204-9406
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